October 23, 2021 - Saturday morning

3:38 AM

43 degrees/clear skies/calm winds

Pentoga Rad

OK, I'm up, I'm showered, I'm ready to go home... or am I? It's going to be touch and go for the next few hours. Nicole, the PA, is "iffy" about kicking me out of the hospital just yet. Nic seems to think I'll be turned loose on Pentoga Road and is fearful of having my lungs turn back to some sort of Covid glass from overuse. 

So, I'm practicing all the right signs, seals, and gestures in these early morning hours. My best is the teary-eyed puppy dog look, the type that says, "I'll love you unconditionally for the rest of my life if only you'll just let me out of this cage."

I just finished a 2 AM shower. The night nurse asked if that sounded like something I might enjoy and after a week of spit baths, the shower felt wonderful. Ah, clean skin, clean underwear, my heavy, thick, luxurious hair glistening under the sheens of shampoo cascading from my head.

Heavenly. Purely heavenly.

I didn't realize the rest of me could have been a bit odiferous. I've scrubbed faithfully, once, twice, sometimes more on a daily basis and the toothbrush has been often run through my mouth, sometimes, almost hourly. I'm told it's all the medicines they've been pouring through my body. Each seems to add a layer of gunk that never allows a person to feel really clean. Oh well, that's fixed now, at least temporarily.

Cassie, my nighttime PA just left the room. A doctoral candidate in nursing, she's the best. Having been weighed and measured this morning, I've found I'm much light lighter these days than I was a mere ten days ago. I checked in weighing 215 lbs. As of this morning, I'm tipping the scales at 195 pounds. Move over Jenny Craig, you ain't got nuthin' on me.

Let's see, in other vitals, I'm at 6 liters of oxygen and tipping the saturation point at 91, so I guess that's pretty good, good 'nuff to go home on as long as I cart my little green bottle with. Hopefully, Nicole will agree.

I'm fully mentally back on for Februrary's kick off on the AT. It may be a pipe dream at this stage yet, but you know, a person who doesn't dream has little to live for. Don't worry, I'm being realistic, I'm just dreaming. 

I've spent a lot of time this past week thinking about death and the like, especially after last Thursday night's close call. I remember the charge nurse asking if I knew who I was to which I replied, "Beats the hell out of me."

I remember thinking immediately of Sargie and how worried she'd be by not being allowed to accompany me into the hospital. Then I thought of Mom and Dad. I think I may have seen Jesus passing through, but I'm not sure.

What struck me most was how unafraid I was. I remember laying there on the cold table, arms and legs splayed, grabbing at some invisible object over head in an attempt to find yet one more gulp of air, something that would give me more relief than the machine pushing oxygen into my lungs.

And yet, there He was, I think. God? Jesus? Dad? Grandpa(s). I can't say I heard music nor did I see butterflies flitting overhead, but dang, it was peaceful and I wasn't afraid. In fact, somehow knowing that my friends and relatives would take care of Sargie, I was happy simply lying there relaxing, taking one carefully measured breath after the next.

So, this has been a week, but I don't remember much of it. All four sons have called repeatedly as has Macrea, all wishing me great health and reminding me that though I can inwardly be a bit of a marshmallow, I'm a "tough old shit," on the exterior. It's a moniker that I wear proudly. 

Speaking of... it's just 4:20 AM and there's enough time before the nurses begin moving around to grab a quick nap. 

Could today be the day? Golly, I hope so. I haven't physically touched my Barbi in over ten days. For two people who are constantly touching and loving and together pretty much 24/7, that's almost an eternity. 

Time to get a move on. It ain't easy being an old shit you know. Keep your fingers crossed.

After all, a man's work is never done.

So are the tales from Pentoga Road...